Gay Youth Chronicles 04 - Someone Is Watching by Mark A. Roeder

Author:Mark A. Roeder [Haas-Redmond, Valerie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Brandon took Mark away—it was the last time I ever saw him alive. By the next morning, Mark was gone, too. He’d walked to the soccer field and blown his brains out at the exact spot where we’d found Taylor. I was sorry to lose him, but I didn’t blame him. I think I’d have done the same.

Nathan and I went to the funeral and the burial. Mark and Taylor’s parents had their funerals together, and buried them side-by-side. At least they did that much. It was just too bad they hadn’t been more understanding when their sons were alive. Maybe then they wouldn’t have had to die. Only too late did Mark and Taylor’s parents realize what they’d done. I saw them looking at each other over the graves during the burial. They had tears in their eyes, even Taylor’s dad who had kicked Tay out of the house only hours before his death. Despite everything, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for them. They were obviously suffering from tremendous grief. I wondered what it must be like for them, to lose a son, and know that they were largely responsible for it. I’m sure they’d handle everything quite differently if they had it all to do over again. I felt sorry for them; they’d be suffering for their narrow-mindedness for the rest of their lives.

A lot of my classmates showed up for the funeral and burial. A lot of them were the same ones who’d said such awful things and had made Mark and Taylor’s lives hell. I think a lot of them realized just what they’d done. They had blood on their hands. They had killed those boys as surely as if they’d shot them dead. I knew some of them were sorry. I knew some of them weren’t.

I had blood on my hands, too. I’d never uttered one negative comment about Mark and Tay, but I hadn’t done nearly enough for them. Brandon and Jon had stood up for them. They’d taken all kinds of shit for it, but they didn’t care. They supported them in every imaginable way. I should’ve done the same, but I was too cowardly. Yes, I’d been kind to Mark and Taylor. I’d sat by their side at lunch. I’d let them know I was still their friend. There was so much more I could’ve done, however. I should have fought for them like Brandon and Jon, but I was too afraid of being found out. I was too frightened I might receive the same treatment as Mark and Taylor. I’d betrayed them. Brandon and Jon weren’t gay, but they’d been true friends, while I, a gay boy, had stood on the sidelines and allowed a tragedy to befall those sweet boys. I’d failed them and I’d failed myself. I knew that no matter how long I lived, I’d never be able to forgive myself for not being there for them when they needed me the most.

There was a chill in the air as Nathan and I stood in the graveyard.

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